53 marx brothers Recipes

olive oil, chicken pieces, skin on (thighs , drumsticks, breasts), pork ribs on the slab, salt and pepper to taste, garlic powder

all-purpose flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, baking powder, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, ground allspice, ground ginger, eggs, vegetable oil, pumpkin, water, chopped pecans or 1 cup walnuts

onions (diced ), oil, pork and beans or 21 1/2 oz baked beans, drained, mustard (commercial, prepared), catsup, brown sugar, tabasco sauce, barbecue sauce , of commercial (1/2 of a bottle)

bread flour, uncooked polenta, rolled oats (not instant ), brown sugar, wheat bran, salt, dry yeast, cooked brown rice, honey, lukewarm buttermilk, lukewarm water, egg (optional, for wash), poppy seeds (optional, for sprinkling on egg wash)

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

ketchup, dark brown sugar, orange juice, worcestershire sauce, liquid smoke, dry mustard powder, cayenne pepper, chicken, cut into 8 pieces

fresh bratwursts (1 lb.), beer, sauerkraut, flour tortillas (10 inch), honey dijon mustard, smoked swiss cheese

apple, sliced very thin, unsalted butter, flour, sugar, salt, half-and-half, eggs, butter, melted, cinnamon sugar , added to butter, to taste

ketchup, dark brown sugar, orange juice, worcestershire sauce, liquid smoke, mustard powder, cayenne pepper, whole chickens, cut into 8 pieces

refrigerated biscuits (10 count ), shredded cheddar cheese, pepperoni

unsalted butter , plus, unsalted butter, room temp, toasted pecans , plus, toasted pecans, finely ground, graham cracker crumbs, cream cheese, room temp, sugar, eggs, egg yolks, vanilla, sour cream

brown sugar, cinnamon, salted butter, cold, apples, cored, peeled, and sliced thinly (i use granny smiths), cranberries , fresh premium (i like ocean spray), sweet potatoes, marshmallows

high-gluten bread flour (or all-purpose flour), uncooked polenta (coarse , not cornmeal), cayenne pepper, ground black pepper, dried parsley flakes (or 3 tbsp chopped fresh ), granulated garlic (or 3 tbsp crushed fresh ), active dry yeast (proofed in 4 tbsp warm water), sea salt, diced red bell pepper (i usually use the tj pepper medley), louisiana hot pepper sauce (often use half this amount for milder mouths) or 4 tbsp tabasco sauce (often use half this amount for milder mouths), water

active dry yeast, warm water, salt, sugar, unbleached all-purpose flour, cornmeal, white distilled vinegar

whole fresh jalepenos chopped in half the veined and seeded, creme cheese, thick or slabbed bacon cut directly in the center so you have four even pieces, toothpicks

oil (used as separate times), milk, egg, lemon extract, flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, fresh or frozen blueberries (either works well), chopped walnuts or pecans or both, brown sugar, cinnamon, flour

all-purpose flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, baking powder, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, ground allspice, ground ginger, eggs, vegetable oil, pumpkin, water, chopped pecans

italian bread, ham , thin, provolone cheese, coleslaw, tomatoes, french fries , still warm, mayonnaise