530 louise fruitcake Recipes

purchased chopped mixed dried fruit (about 1 lb), raisins, green apple, peeled, chopped, chopped dates, orange juice, grated orange peel, dark rum, cake flour, ground almonds, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, salt, sugar, unsalted butter, room temperature, eggs, room temperature, light corn syrup

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

butter, sugar, eggs (separated ), plain flour, baking powder, raspberry jam, sugar, coconut

fruitcake (about 1 1/4 lb), frozen blueberries, thawed, plain yogurt

granulated sugar plus additional for sprinkling the ramekins, crumbled fruitcake, crumbled white bread, milk, eggs, separated, sugar

a 3-oz package cream cheese, minced peeled fresh gingerroot, fruitcake

bacon, chopped, fruitcake (about 11/4 lb), all-purpose flour, cold unsalted butter , cut into pieces, gorgonzola cheese, at room temperature, cream cheese, at room temperature, chopped chives, worcestershire sauce, cayenne pepper

kosher salt, pork tenderloins, sliced into 2-to-3-inch medallions, crumbled fruitcake, unsalted butter, softened, dijon mustard, worcestershire sauce, freshly ground pepper, vegetable oil, dry sherry, heavy cream, sauteed spinach , for serving (optional)

fruitcakes get an awful lot of bad press , especially the mass produced varieties, but a rich homemade version can be incredibly delicious., fruitcake is a mixture of fruits and nuts with just enough batter to hold them together. when wrapped in cloth and foil, saturated with alcoholic liquors regularly, and kept in in tightly closed tins, a fruitcake may be kept for months or even years, have it your way ..., if there are certain fruits you don tsp like , you can always include more of another, or some of your own favorites. dried fruits cooked in juice can take the place of candied fruits, and seeds can replace nuts. to convert a favorite dark fruitcake recipe to a light fruitcake, leave out the dark spices, use light colored fruits (golden raisins, dried apricots, etc.), and replace dark corn syrup or molasses with light corn syrup

crumbled fruitcake, fine-quality bittersweet chocolate, cut into bits

minced onion, minced green bell pepper, unsalted butter, chopped fruitcake, four 1-inch-thick rib pork chops, vegetable oil

chopped pecans (12 oz), golden raisins (8 oz), all-purpose flour (used to dust fruit), chopped mixed candied fruit (fruitcake mix kind), all-purpose flour (6.37 oz), baking powder, salt, butter, softened (8 oz), granulated sugar (7 oz), eggs, orange juice, fresh lemon juice, bourbon (first seasoning step), bourbon (2-3 week seasoning steps), candied cherry, cut in half (optional), pecan halves (optional)

buttermilk, canola oil, eggs, brown sugar, vanilla extract, wheat bran, rolled oats, whole wheat flour, cinnamon, salt, baking powder, candied orange peel (fruitcake mixes)

go to the crafts store., purchase 1 or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan., go home ., unwrap the dried fruit , carefully folding the wrapper inside-out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. better yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it for insulation in the attic., mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the disposable cake pan. place dried fruit on top, gently pushing in so it looks baked in the batter. let dry., take your fruitcake out of the disposable cake pan ., cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding the fruit., wrap your fruitcake in festive , colored saran wrap and finish with a bow. i like using red wrap because it gives a warm glow to the fruitcake., give your fruitcake to someone you want to impress. when they lift it, they ll say, wow! you must have made a really rich fruitcake! don tsp forget to smile and say, oh, its paris-style fruitcake., worry about someone trying to eat your fruitcake. nobody actually eats fruitcake... that s just a rumor. just so you know, the dried fruit won go bad because it has the same preservatives as twinkies, which have a shelf-life of about 237 years.

beef tenderloin, olive oil, garlic, minced, dried basil, dried rosemary, crushed, sea salt, fresh ground black pepper to taste

cooked pasta, ranch dressing, shrimp (50-60 count ), sea legs or 1 package imitation crabmeat, onion, chopped, cucumber, seeded & diced, pepper, seasoning salt, garlic powder, garlic, minced fine