Metric Jester's Evil Burgers Recipe

Directions:

1. Fry first 5 ingredients until everything is soft and fragrant, using medium heat.
2. Allow veggies to cool (put it in the fridge for 20 minutes or so) while you bring beef and egg up to room temperature (take that out of the fridge for 20 minutes or so).
3. Put beef in a big bowl, everything else on top, save bread for last, and mix with bare hands (yummy)!
4. Separate into 4, make patties (I like to stretch a square of plastic wrap over a peanut butter lid, drop in the meat and gather the wrap into the middle of the patty and press down, extra wrap makes a good expansion divot).
5. Fry, grill, broil, or whatever it is you do to cook burgers.
6. Toast your buns, mayo and mustard on the bottom, then a patty, a squirt of Frank's Red Hot, then cheese, then an over easy fried egg, then the fried back bacon, then lettuce, tomato, pickles, pickled or grilled beetroot, salt and pepper, top of the bun and two olives on a toothpick for garnish.