18 granny christmas Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

all purpose flour, sugar, salt, chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes, chilled nonhydrogenated solid vegetable shortening, cut into 1/2-inch cubes, more) ice water, granny smith apples (1 1/4 lb total), peeled, cored, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (about 4 cups), firm but ripe medium anjou or bartlett pears (about 18 oz), peeled, cored, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (about 2 1/2 cups), assorted moist plump dried fruit (such as raisins, cherries, and diced apricots), orange marmalade, divided, sugar, divided, grated peeled fresh ginger, ground ginger, nonstick vegetable-oil spray, vanilla ice cream or sweetened whipped cream

cranberries, sugar, cider vinegar, apple juice concentrate, salt, ground mustard powder, vegetable oil (do not use olive oil) or 1 cup canola oil (do not use olive oil), mixed salad greens, red apple, unpeeled and diced, granny smith apple, unpeeled and diced, crumbled feta cheese (or use grated parmesan cheese), dried cranberries, toasted almond (can use more )

brown sugar, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, granny smith apples - peeled, cored, and sliced 1/4 inch thick, dried cranberries, butter , cut into pieces, rolled oats, water, apple juice, cranberry juice, salt, candied walnuts (optional)

mixed dried fruit, dark rum (i buy a miniature bottle of rum), eggs, lightly beaten, granny smith apple, peeled and grated, treacle or 1 tbsp molasses, brown sugar, firmly packed (i use dark , muscavado sugar, but normal light brown sugar will do), butter, melted, plain flour, self-raising flour, blanched almonds, glace cherries, paper baking cups

granny smith apple, golden raisins, dark raisins, dried currants, fresh lemon juice, brandy or whiskey, granulated sugar, unsalted butter, softened, all-purpose flour, sugar

granny smith apples, peeled and cored, dried cranberries, onion, finely chopped, apple cider vinegar, sugar, ground ginger, turmeric, ground cumin, ground coriander, salt

sucre , recipe follows, pippin or granny smith apples, unsalted butter, sugar, calvados, brandy, heavy cream, chopped dried prunes, chopped dried apricots, chopped dried figs, lemon juice, ground cinnamon, lemon zest, orange zest, freshly grated nutmeg, egg white, very lightly whisked, crystallized sugar, cake or pastry flour, sugar, unsalted butter, chilled, cut into small pieces, egg yolks, heavy cream

herring , in wine sauce, bermuda onion, thinly sliced, granny smith apple, peeled, cored, and chopped, dill pickle, chopped, sour cream, sugar, distilled white or wine vinegar, garnish: dill fronds , as desired, or chopped and sprinkled atop the salad

granny smith apples, peeled, cored, and small dice, sugar, bourbon, unsalted butter, vanilla extract (good quality ), ground cinnamon, ground allspice, ground nutmeg, candied ginger, diced, egg roll wraps (or lumpia wrappers), egg, beaten with 1 tbsp. cold water, powdered sugar

granny smith apples, diced pineapple, diced celery, raisins, sweetened shredded coconut, walnuts, roughly chopped, mayonnaise, sour cream, salt and freshly ground black pepper

unsalted butter, sugar, red cabbage, shredded, red wine vinegar, water, kosher salt, fresh ground black pepper, granny smith apples, peeled, cored and chopped, red currant jelly

apple cider, unsalted butter, divided, ground cinnamon, brown sugar, granny smith apples, peeled, cored, and sliced, braeburn apples, unpeeled, if desired, cored, and sliced, granulated sugar, fresh cranberries

brown bread , day-old, cubed, white bread , day-old, cubed, pine nuts, turkey mincemeat, onion, chopped, celery , chopped. including tops, dried sage, rosemary, dried, finely chopped, thyme, dried, granny smith apple, cored and chopped, dried cranberries, fresh parsley, finely chopped, chicken stock, butter, melted

red delicious apples, cored and diced with peel on (or 6 small), granny smith apples, cored and diced with peel on (6 small), shredded coconut, walnuts, chopped, celery, chopped , if desired, red grapes, green grape, frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed, mayonnaise (not miracle whip), sour cream, powdered sugar, to taste, if apples are not very sweet

butter, softened, sugar, eggs, egg yolks, all-purpose flour, vanilla extract, candied cherries, cut in half