1583 grandpa perfect Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

ground pork, scallions minced, garlic cloves minced, sherry ( i used red cabernet wine with excellent results), apple cider or rice vinegar, red chili sesame oil, teriyaki sauce, low-sodium soy sauce, fresh wonton wrappers at room temperature (found usually in your vegetable section by the tofu and bean sprouts section in your grocery store), pot with boiling water, cold water, waxed paper sprayed with pam or wet with water to keep prepared wontons not sticking until ready to boil, perfect dipping sauce, scallions minced super fine, low -sodium soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, red chili sesame oil

granny smith apples, peeled and sliced, brown sugar, granulated sugar, all-purpose flour, salt, juice of 1/2 lemon, recipe perfect pie crust , recipe follows, butter, all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting, salt, cold butter, vegetable shortening, egg, cold water, distilled white vinegar

unsalted butter, extra virgin olive oil, perfect sweet onions peeled and julienned, kosher salt, ground pepper, dried tart cherries, grenadine

sugar, all-purpose flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, salt, eggs, milk, vegetable oil, vanilla extract, boiling water, perfectly chocolate chocolate frosting, butter or margarine, cocoa, powdered sugar, milk, vanilla extract

mayonnaise, sour cream, dry italian-style salad dressing mix, curry powder, dried minced onion flakes, dried parsley, lemon juice, salt, worcestershire sauce

avocados - peeled, pitted, and mashed, sour cream, dry ranch-style dressing mix

all-purpose flour, baking soda, white sugar, raisins, egg, beaten, buttermilk, margarine, melted

water, rolled oats, salt, butter, brown sugar, non-dairy creamer, milk, brown sugar

bacon , cut into 1/2 inch pieces, onion, chopped, diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, white sugar, or more to taste, ground black pepper , or to taste, butter

white sugar, light corn syrup, butter, water, salt to taste, vanilla extract, distilled white vinegar (optional), popped popcorn

brown sugar, white sugar, milk, creamy peanut butter, margarine, vanilla extract

sugar, burgundy wine, champagne, chilled, brandy, club soda

white bread , cut into cubes, eggs, beaten, diced prosciutto, diced salami, diced pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, cubed, grated parmesan cheese, chopped fresh parsley, ground black pepper to taste

garlic cloves, chopped, fresh lemon juice, louisiana hot sauce (frank s or similar), worcestershire sauce, dijon mustard, anchovy fillets, chopped, shedded parmesan cheese, extra virgin olive oil, ground coarse black pepper

perfect yeast breads and rolls are, high and evenly shaped., uniformly golden brown with a tender crust., even in texture with no large air holes., moist and silky with an elastic quality.

use these tips to create , bake and store your perfect cheesecake, bring all ingredients to room temperature before mixing. this usually takes 30 minutes., soften cream cheese in the microwave : place unwrapped 8 oz cheese in a microwaveable bowl and microwave on high for 15 seconds. add 15 seconds for each additional bar of cheese., mix filling only until combined. don tsp over-mix ., use a springform pan so that the sides can be removed ., butter sides or use a metal spatula around the edges immediately after removing the cheese cake from the oven., place springform pan on a shallow pan , like a pizza pan , or cover bottom and up 1 inch around the sides with aluminum foil to avoid leaks in the oven., place a shallow pan of water in rack below cheesecake to keep oven moist., open oven door while baking ., a perfectly baked cheesecake will be puffed around the edges. when shaken , about an inch in diameter in the center should jiggle., cool slowly (about an hour) on a wire rack, away from any drafts., store in the refrigerator, loosely covered, for up to four days ., bottom of the pan can be removed from the cheesecake once the cake has firmed in the refrigerator. use two spatulas to move cake to serving platter., garnishing a cheesecake should only be done within 1 to 3 hours of serving., cheesecakes taste best when brought to room temperature. this takes about 30 minutes., securely wrap an already firm (about 4 hours in the refrigerator) cheesecake to be put in the freezer. cheesecakes can be kept for up to 2 months in the freezer., thaw frozen cheesecake overnight in the refrigerator .

red potatoes, shrimp, drained, sweet onions, finely diced, hard-cooked eggs, sliced 1/8-inch thick, sweet pickles, drained and finely diced, mayonnaise, salt and ground black pepper to taste, paprika , or to taste