13 go better Recipes

monday, breakfast - who can eat breakfast on a monday swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth, lunch - send your secretary out for six gutbombers those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. also serving french fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox., afternoon snack - drink the maalox, dinner - six pack of beer and kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don tsp eat the coleslaw., tuesday, breakfast - eat the coleslaw, lunch - go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea., dinner - four tacos and a pitcher of sangria., wednesday, breakfast - jaws couldn tsp eat breakfast after a night out ., lunch - rolaids and a coke, dinner - drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps, thursday, breakfast - serving out for pizza, lunch - your secretary is out sick , check mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers., dinner - go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives., friday, breakfast - eggs , sausage, and an english muffin at mcdonalds. eat the styrofoam plate and leave the food. it tastes better and it s better for you., lunch - skip lunch , fridays are murder, dinner - steak , well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. don tsp eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus., saturday, breakfast - sleep through it ., lunch - ditto, dinner - steak , well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. dont eat the brussel sprouts. take them home and plant them in a hanging basket., sunday, breakfast - three bloody marys and half a twinkie., lunch - eat lunch waste a good buzz dont eat lunch ., dinner - chicken noodle soup - call a girl... called friend ... and ask her about renting a room, if that fails....there s always your mom, feed them ...and...they shall come

here are the basics of making an excellent cheese fondue , the proper way (or at least the lindysez way)., use good cheese , i use half emmental swiss and gruyere, grate them up and toss them with some salt and a good amount of pepper. let them sit out at room temp so they melt better . cut your bread (good french bread, but not sourdough) into bite sized pieces making sure to have crust on each piece. let those sit out for a while too so they aren tsp too soft., cheese that you use , you are going to use 1 3/4 cups of a dry white wine, such as a fume blanc, a california sauv blanc (don tsp use a new zealand 1 as most are too grassy) or a pouilly-fume. when you are ready to make the fondue, rub the pot with a clove of garlic (we like garlic, so we leave the clove in, but you don tsp need to); then place over a medium heat and add the wine. when the wine comes to a simmer, start slowly adding the cheese, sprinkling in a handful at a time, allowing each addition to melt (my dad said you always have to stir in the same direction, in a figure 8 motion, it works. if you stir in a circle you will end up with a big glop of cheese in the middle of a pot of wine, the figure 8 is key); keep adding until you have a nice thick sauce, then add a splash of kirsch and a pinch of nutmeg. put over a burner to keep it bubbling, and stir often when you dip your bread., a lb of cheese is enough for 4 people; or more if you are serving other things. and the amounts are guesstimates. i almost always grate too much cheese, so only add as much as you need to get the right consistency ; when you dip a piece of bread into the fondue, you want a nice coating of cheese and for the bread to absorb the wine. that s what it s all about, cheese, wine and bread. so use the best you can of each ingredient. and any left over cheese makes for a mighty good ham and cheese omelet.

finding gold is really easy. i always go on saturday morning ., best spots to find gold is scraping the moss off rocks by the river or cleaning out crevasses in bedrock along the river shore. i scrap moss as it acts like the carpet in a sluice box and traps the gold that is washed down the river during the winter. i have had pans with hundreds for pieces, just amazing to see., i designed customs tools for scraping and getting the fine dust and matter off the rocks. well i am an inventor., nothing is better than sitting down against a rock at lunch time , having a great sandwich, ice cold water, the river is flowing by, the sounds of the water, birds on the wing, lizards scooting over the rocks, and there is gold in the bag., by bag i mean , i scrap the moss or clean crevasses, put the material in a special pail, place the pail under the surface and stir to get the dirt to float out., then i put this material in my pan , swish it around, work a little of the sand out and then tilt it back and let the water roll over the sand. bang! glitter all over. now most people sit there and pan out all the sand, get down to the black sand (iron), pan out the iron, and then put the gold in bottle. total waste of time., panning is strictly recreational. i have a limited time at the river and ever minute counts. i carry my 6 mil 12 x 12 inch zip lock bags. once i see there is color in the sand, it is dumped into the bag and i go get more material. this way i can collect the most material for the 5 hours i have to pan. this is a very cool way to get gold and developed by me., once i get home , i put the material onto cookie sheets and dry it in the oven. once dry and cool, i use a special magnet and remove the iron particles. once the iron is removed, i put the sand through different size brass screens to separate the larger particles so when i pan i am not trying to move large and small particles., sunday morning i sit in my recliner , a light over my shoulder and put a tbsp of material in the green pan in the pics. watching a dvd i start panning the material, suck up the gold and put in a bottle. i do this starting with the biggest particles, love seeing the biggest pieces of gold., i work all the sand i can on sunday and if i am down to really fine particles of sand, it is put in quart containers for another day. there are so many of these containers still not panned. 1 might say there is gold in the garage., if there is a river known to have been a producer of gold close to you, go out and give it a try. i have taught many kids to pan; 1 went and found a nugget as big as my nail on my finger. it was huge! rotten kid wouldn tsp give to me for teaching him. oh, its all right, i will find my own some day. what was cool was after teaching the kids they would go back and pan on their own and find gold. how cool is that, hope you enjoyed finding gold for fun. jj - thegoldminer

all-purpose flour, salt, cold butter (you can use shortening if you like, but remember, butter makes it better, or so i say), ice water (the range is big, i know, but i find sometimes i need more and sometimes i need less., frozen chopped leaf spinach (if you want to go to your friendly local organic farmer-emphasis on local- and use fresh spinach from them, by all means do so. if i had been making on sunday, i may have been using some from the farmer s market)., yellow onion, diced ., garlic, minced or pressed ., butter (the amount of and olive oil can be cut down if you prefer), olive oil, feta cheese, eggs, egg yolks, heavy cream or whole milk, nutmeg to taste, salt and pepper to taste

any liquid can be reduced just by heating it - but why would you want to do that, answer comes back to two of our old friends, flavor and consistency (texture)., by reducing any flavored liquid you intensify its flavor and at the same time thicken it. you can continue this process until what you have left is a syrup if it contains sugar, or a sauce if it does not., this is 1 of the most important tools in the kitchen , believe it or not, because a great sauce can rescue an indifferent meal., literally any liquid can be reduced ., a few uses, wine is frequently used in cooking , both as a marinade and as an addition to sauces for meat., there are some problems with it though, 1 of which is that you need a really good wine and quite a lot of it to produce a reasonable sauce for, say, six people., on the other hand , if you use pure grape juice and reduce it to a syrup, that syrup, added to any sauce (or gravy if you prefer) will lift it into the realms of gourmet ., more , you don tsp have to make your reduction on the night you prepare your meal. you can reduce a liter of grape juice at any time to the consistency and flavor you want; then just store it in the fridge., you can do the same thing with any fruit juice - prune is sensational - and store it until needed. just about all of them will do things for ice cream, pies or tarts that will have your guests demanding the recipe, pork with apple sauce use a carton of fresh apple juice from the supermarket and reduce it. and if you want a real sensation add in a glass of apple brandy during the reduction process., are you getting an idea of how simple this is, take any carton of fresh stock straight of the shelf and reduce it. you will transform it into something even the manufacturer won tsp recognize. but beware, you need to start out with good quality in the first place, because when you reduce a liquid you intensify all the flavors, and not just the good ones., if it s salty to start with, for example, it will be salty beyond belief by the time you ve reduced it even by half. so if you are going to use a supermarket stock, make sure it s an extremely good 1., believe me when i tell you that stock cubes should not be used for reduction sauces., thickeners, because you will be tasting as you go (won tsp you ), you may find that you get the flavor you want before the desired consistency is reached., a couple of hints right now for your sauces., sweet ones can be thickened successfully without loss of color by adding in liquid glucose early on in the reduction process. surprisingly, this will add little in the way of sweetness and produces a beautiful velvety sauce when whisked., if you get it wrong and add too much, no problem. stir in a little extra water to thin it., reduction pans, reductions need to happen rapidly in serving to preserve flavors. and the greater the surface area of the liquid the faster the water will evaporate., however you may want to whisk something into the sauce while its cooking - such as butter or olive oil for example - and for that i find a small wok is best; 1 with a handle., a wok is less likely to reduce so fast that the sauce is burnt while your back is turned. but try both methods and see which you prefer. you may even end up using something totally different., no magic to this. whatever works for you, that s what you should use, in this and everything else to do with cooking., just bear in mind that what you re after is speed and ease of use. as well as a great tasting result, of course. :>), keeping, if they should dry out , simply add a little water and heat through., sauces containing meat juices of any kind must be frozen if you re going to keep them, and should be brought to boiling point before being used again. there is no need to thaw them out to do this, in fact it s better not to. simply drop the frozen cubes into a saucepan, melt them over a gentle heat, and then bring swiftly to the boil., why do you do this to avoid food poisoning, that s why. you are making sure that any bugs introduced into the sauce during the preparation process are killed off., worry , this will not be because of anything you have done wrong (i hope!), but because bacteria are part of our everyday lives and they exist in every kitchen, however clean., in fact your food , and especially your meat, is crawling with wildlife that you will never see. don tsp worry about them. careful handling and simple precautions will ensure that these miniature monsters can never multiply enough to harm either you or your guests.

olive oil (i use enough oil to lightly coat the bottom of my pot), onion, chopped, garlic cloves, minced (or to taste, the more the better i use 6 extra large cloves), dried basil (rubbed between fingers to release flavor), dried oregano (rubbed between fingers to release flavor), crushed red pepper flakes (optional or adjust to taste), tomato paste (can use two cans for a thicker richer sauce if desired), whole roma tomatoes, undrained (break up with a fork before cooking, go ahead and use two cans if desired!), dry red wine (you may omit if desired but good to add in, can use white wine), sugar (optional or to taste), salt (or to taste, a good tomato sauce needs lots so don tsp be shy with the ), fresh ground black pepper (to taste)

beef brisket, oil, chopped onion, chopped celery, kosher salt and pepper, paprika, garlic cloves, minced, tomato paste, water, onion soup mix, any brand spaghetti sauce mix, coke or 1 cup pepsi, bay leaf, carrots, coarsely chopped

beef brisket (approx. 4 lbs.- 1st or 2nd cut), oil, chopped onion, chopped celery, salt , pepper, crushed garlic, paprika, ketchup, water, onion soup mix, spaghetti sauce mix, cola

go to the crafts store., purchase 1 or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan., go home ., unwrap the dried fruit , carefully folding the wrapper inside-out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. better yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it for insulation in the attic., mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the disposable cake pan. place dried fruit on top, gently pushing in so it looks baked in the batter. let dry., take your fruitcake out of the disposable cake pan ., cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding the fruit., wrap your fruitcake in festive , colored saran wrap and finish with a bow. i like using red wrap because it gives a warm glow to the fruitcake., give your fruitcake to someone you want to impress. when they lift it, they ll say, wow! you must have made a really rich fruitcake! don tsp forget to smile and say, oh, its paris-style fruitcake., worry about someone trying to eat your fruitcake. nobody actually eats fruitcake... that s just a rumor. just so you know, the dried fruit won go bad because it has the same preservatives as twinkies, which have a shelf-life of about 237 years.

go to you lumber yard and buy a few 60-penny nails,(these are large nails about the size of a lead pincil and about 5 long) wash the nails., buy red skin potatoes such as the pontiac potatoes ,the red skinned potatoe is far better then the others today that is sold for baking potatoes., run the 60-penny nail through the potatoe lengthwise ,leaving the nail protruding out of each end., a patch of skin off from the side of the potatoe as big as a nickle. this patch lets off moisture from the potatoe when it first begins to bake preventing any toughness developing.after the potato bakes a short time this open patch seals over., nail causes the potatoe to bake from the inside and out,making the potatoe flaky, bake at 400 degrees for 50 minutes, serve the potatoe with the nail in so as to keep the potatoe at the right temperature until opened. remove the nail ., enjoy

maple syrup, dark brown sugar (light brown will work, but dark brown is so much better), bourbon, jalapeno , roasted (very small), minced shallot, minced garlic, butter (unsalted , and no margarine), salt, red pepper flakes (more or less to taste) (optional), ground black pepper, salt , but go easy